


What a Spider Does Best

by BleedxLikexMe



Series: The Little Black Spider in the Tiny Red Room [1]
Category: Black Widow (Comics), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Hate, Hating your friends, Red Room, Red Room conditioning, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:12:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BleedxLikexMe/pseuds/BleedxLikexMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Natasha Romanoff hates Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What a Spider Does Best

**Author's Note:**

> My brother and I were talking about Natasha's and Steve's relationship when my brother said these words, "What if Natasha doesn't actually like Steve?" And thus, this was born. I'm posting this from my phone, so I'll go back and edit it, but please, tell me if you see any mistakes. I'll do what I can to fix them.

Natasha hates Steve. She hates the way he carries himself, what he stands for, and how he acts likes he's oh so alone. Poor, lonely super soldier. The only one of his kind. _Puh_. Natasha hates how Yasha- _James_ , she thinks with distaste- was only able to be saved by Steve. She hates that everything she is came from the idea of Captain America.

 

She hates that she was taken when she was four and shoved into the Red Room because Russia wanted to replicate Steve. She hates that she could have been normal if it wasn't for him. She could have had a family, she could have been loved. She could have had friends, dated, gotten married and had kids if it wasn't for _Steve_.

 

Natasha Romanoff hates Steve Rogers.

 

She hides this hatred, though. She hides it behind smiles and jokes and makes threats that don't mean a damn thing. She _pretends_ like her life depends on it and doesn't tell a soul. Clint doesn't even know that she lays awake some nights, staring at the ceiling, thinking of slitting the good Captain's throat and running. She hides those thoughts, though. She hides them and tries to shove them far, far away. She's part of a team now. She's part of a unit and she tries to convince this hating part of her mind that she doesn't feel that way towards Steve anymore.

 

It doesn't work.

 

So she hides, like a spider does best.

 

Natasha tends to seek solitude after rough missions. She tends to get snappish and her words dig deeper wounds than her knives could ever create. So she goes off and stays quiet in these tiny little crevices that Clint can't even fit in. She bribes JARVIS to delete the files of her shaking and muttering to herself as she rocks back and forth with her knees tucked under her chin, her red hair wild , sticking up and around her like fire. Typically, by the time she crawls out she is carefully masked once more.

 

It's rare that she isn't.

 

She doesn't speak to- to _James_ anymore. Well, no more than is strictly necessary. He isn't the man she knew and she isn't the woman he thought he knew. He remembers her, sure, but he doesn't remember her. He thinks they were simply in the Red Room together. That they simply trained together. That they weren't in love. That they never mourned the death of their unborn child together.

 

That he never stabbed her in the chest the night she defected from the Red Room.

 

So no, Natasha doesn't speak to _James_ , just as she doesn't speak to _Steve_. It's starting to get to the team, she can see this. She just doesn’t know how to fix it. This hate in her... it _burns_. It burns and thrashes and howls like ten thousand angry hellhounds.

Darcy is her salvation. She is soft where Natasha isn't. She is sweet and happy and doesn't have the ability to hate like Natasha does. Natasha tries to burrow herself within Darcy, tries to take these fluffy emotions into herself, but it doesn't work. Darcy sees something is wrong, she knows what is wrong, too. She keeps herself between Natasha and Steve. Keeps the conversations light and happy as often as she can and keeps Natasha away from Steve when she can't.

Darcy loves Natasha and Natasha loves Darcy but the Black Widow fears it won't be enough. She is a warrior, a weapon. Hatred and rage and death made flesh. Natasha refuses to hurt Darcy, so she walks away when things become too much. Which is becoming more and more often than she likes.

 

It all comes to a head after a mission against Hydra agents.

 

Half of a building crumbles on top of Natasha and she lays there, dazed. Hissing that it is all Steve's fault. That she wouldn't be stuck here if it weren't for Steve. She listens absently to her teammates shout to her and each other over the com unit and suddenly it all clicks into place. She hates Steve Rogers. She can't be a part of his team. She will kill him the next chance she gets.

 

Suddenly, rubble is being pulled off of her and day light spills over her. She takes a moment to blink at it, momentarily blinded by it. But then she sees a blue gloved hand reaching for her and she frowns at it, her gaze follows the hand up to the face of its owner and she scowls. Steve is there, trying to pull her to her feet. To make her live another day, to make her fight another fight. For him. _Because of him_.

 

Natasha scoots backwards on her butt, ungraceful and not caring. Her scowl deepens as he speaks, "Black Widow, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

 

She struggles to her feet and hisses at him, "My name-" She begins, uncertain, "My name," and then she gets it. Her uncertainty washes away under a tide of fresh rage, "is Natalia Allianna Romanova." She spits in his face, makes an about-turn, and runs. She runs and runs, past the Hulk who bellows at her, past the SHIELD agents that were sent in for clean-up, and past her old life. She doesn't know why she didn't take the chance to kill Steve, all she knows now is that she is running and that she will not stop.

 

She sheds her gear, making sure that she won't be traceable, and keeps running. She hops over a fence and grabs a pink floral print dress that is two sizes too large, a brown leather belt, and a pair of workers boots. She stays still long enough to grab those items and then she is running again. She runs to a public restroom to change and holds onto her SHIELD issue uniform long enough to throw it in a burning barrel with several homeless people crowded around it.

 

She hops onto a bus and starts her journey towards one of her many safe houses that SHIELD doesn't know about. She lets herself relax a bit, knowing she can't stop running yet. That she won't really ever stop running. But she smiles anyway. She looks out her window and smiles at the setting sun. She runs her fingers over the grease-smudged glass and thinks-

 

_My name is Natalia Allianna Romanova, and I am free._

Natalia runs and hides, because that is what a sider does best.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this. I'll be adding more to this series as I go but I don't know when I'll be able to update. So, for now, consider this to be a one-shot sort of deal.


End file.
